Going Dark

When I have heavy things going on in my life, social media is not a priority. When I worry about someone else’s health, the only person I want to be near is the one who has me worried. When I have work stress, my own health problems, social engagements, and volunteer opportunities, I don’t even think about social media for the most part. When I am under an incredible amount of stress, the stress of keeping up with social media is just unnecessary. So, I go dark.

I picked this term up from movies about space travel. When an orbiting spacecraft reaches the side of the moon facing away from Earth, the communication channels stop working. They “go dark” until they come out on the other side. The electronics typically still work, but the interaction between the people on the ground and the spacecraft passengers ceases. Others use the term “unplug”, but I don’t stop all electronic devices. The social element of electronics is the stressor, not necessarily the electronics themselves.

I have my own drama. It’s not your fodder. I don’t need to read about your drama while I am dealing with my own real problems. Social media is stressful when going through already stressful times. But, yes, your baby is as cute as it was last week, yesterday, and ten minutes ago. I will hit the thumbs up when I have a moment with nothing better to do so you don’t think I am a jerkus bazerkus who thinks your baby is ugly. Honestly, your baby might be ugly, but I’m not going to make that comment on your photo album. I care about you, but enough of the superficial external validation for right now. If I want personal connection, I can connect with a real, live human being. Sometimes, the best thing for me is to talk to my mom and cuddle her dog, who always has joy at the sight of me.

Yes, I care about politics too, but not enough to read a poorly worded and misspelled meme with no punctuation. Also not enough to read the comments section full of people who can’t take a joke, don’t understand sarcasm, think their opinions are the only opinions worth sharing, and actually make death threats to people who disagree. I can’t take it. Not right now. I am thoroughly tempted to go dark right now due to the horrific state of the American government, race relations, and healthcare. These issues are actually the main reason I stay on social media. I have a stake in healthcare. I have a stake in how Missouri’s government handles discrimination lawsuits. I have a stake in who runs the country of which I am a citizen. I have a stake in the stupid things white people do to minorities, not because I agree with these stupid activities, but because I was born white. These actions are a reflection of me, whether or not I agree and participate. They matter.

I need to stay abreast of what is going on in my environment, but there is something about a computer screen that removes people’s inhibitions. I learn so much about a person based on what they choose to say on Twitter, post on Facebook, or share on Instagram. People who pick physical fights with others and abuse their temples in real life share memes about their Christianity. People with minorities in their extended family post racist op-eds that always begin with, “I’m not racist, but…” Do people even realize what they say on social media? I guess it boils down to me needing to know less about everyone in my life. I don’t want to see you slap your girlfriend or boyfriend as part of a joke so you can go viral. I don’t want to see a college educated person misuse “to”, “too”, and “two”. I need peace, and I recognize that my reliance on social media usually only brings me chaos.

Social media began as a tool to connect to other humans, and it has put us further away from sincere connection. Twitstabookchat has replaced genuine friendships with a simultaneously superficial and revealing impression of who we each are, but it does not give a full portrait of anyone. We are more attached to our phones than we are to the people we can call with them. You do know we can still make actual phone calls with our cell phones, right? When was the last time you went out to dinner with friends, and not one person checked their phone for a notification, to answer a text, or to look something up? I bet you can’t even remember. I have even caught myself checking Facebook on my computer while scrolling through Instagram on my phone. How is that even possible? And why?!

My challenge to myself and to you is to limit time on social media. Parents have to do it to their children, so why wouldn’t adults do it to ourselves? You don’t have to go totally dark, but maybe hover on the edge of darkness and light. Spend more time with the phone off of your person altogether, maybe even in a different room. Schedule a small amount of phone time, rather than keeping it in your pocket all day long. I need to step away for my own sanity, and I bet you could use a break as well. They say the first step is admitting you have a problem. Well, here I go: Houston, we have a problem.

Comfort in Comforting

I have paid less attention to social media lately. I have been occupied, both mentally and physically. I have a family member in poor health right now, and it weighs heavily on my mind.

She has been battling cancer for quite some time and recently had radical surgery to ensure the cancer is not an imminent threat. The healing process has been stressful for her, and it is far from over. Even when she fully heals, she will be changed forever both physically and emotionally. Obviously, I worry about her.

Even though I may go weeks without seeing her under normal circumstances, I feel compelled to cater to her in whatever way I can whenever I can. I feel better seeing her for myself, knowing she is under good care, and getting her to crack a smile on a horrible day. It’s silly, but running out for Tums the other night when she had acid reflux made me feel useful. It didn’t help, but at least I tried. I want to be near her and tell her everything will be alright, even though life is difficult right now. I want her to know I don’t have the answers, but I am here to help her figure them out. There is no worse feeling than wanting to help someone you love and not being able to fix the problems.

As I feel this way, I see closer relatives than me behaving callously. I can’t crawl inside their heads. I don’t know what they think, but I know how they act. I would rather go camping, so I’ll just ignore her. That’s the action. That’s the message. I can guess at the intent. Actions like this or worse upset me more than the cancer itself.

I tell myself these people don’t understand because they have never had to struggle for health or anything else in life. Maybe you have to struggle before you can understand compassion. Maybe that is just the balance of our family. Regardless of what other people do, I know that I feel better caring about my loved ones. I want to show compassion to others.

I would like to remind you, the reader, that you will someday require care from someone else. Think about how you treat those who need your help. Think about how other people treat you. If you suffer from chronic health problems, people can seem heartless at times. Healthy people do not understand what you endure. Lead by example. Can you honestly say you show the same level of compassion you want from other people? Be kind and generous with your time. It takes very little effort to have a conversation with someone who is going through a rough time.

Peace of Body, Peace of Mind

Getting in a little more yoga in the hallway before bed.

I mentioned in a previous post that I was looking for a gentler yoga class than the vinyasa class I have been attending. Over the past couple of weeks, I have been to a beginners/relaxation class, my usual vinyasa class, and a beginners/strengthening class. They all have their benefits, and they are all so different. I enjoyed each of them, but I suspect that was mainly because my body was behaving itself. Today, I paid for an eight-week session in the relaxation class, and I am glad I did.
After class tonight, My body felt more peaceful and relaxed than it has in a very long time. I have struggled for months with poses I have previously done for years with no trouble. It was a great reprieve to Get back to basics and focus on getting it right. I could then dig a little deeper if and when I felt capable. When savasana came around, I felt like time flew by. My back was flat on the floor and fully relaxed. In the seven or so years I have been doing yoga, I can count the times this has happened on one hand. After class, I was able to catch up with old friends who also took the class. Yoga, hugs, conversation — what’s not to love?

I left feeling relaxed, not depleted; present, not focused on pain; and rejuvenated, not anxious. I am looking forward to next week’s class. I still hope to get back into a more advanced class eventually. I may pop in to the other classes I have tried from time to time, but I know I am in the right place right now. Reconciling all of my concerns about my body function with the experience that originally drew me to yoga brought me a tremendous sense of peace and gratitude.